So many of the kids who come to Narrow Gate come with great anxiety, fear, and anger. Yet, they are used to hiding what they are really feeling. Whenever we enter class time with them, we don’t really know what we are going to get or what will happen during this time. Our program director has always told us to “trust the process”. This really means to trust God, to let him lead, and to try not to stop the process that God has in store through these horses. Sometimes it feels like the kids are extra hard to reach; and sometimes we get more than we could have ever imagined. This night was one of the latter.
The facilitator chose a lesson called, “Dancing with Horses”. In this particular session, it is designed to be a grounding exercise between the horse and the child. Grounding is the term given to the practice of being in the present moment. It can be such an amazing experience for the kids because it slows them down, gives them focus, and helps them connect to the horse. So many of them are so wounded that being connected to someone is difficult enough, let alone trying to connect to the horse and their body. This can be a completely new experience for them. It might seem like an easy lesson to you or me, but it can be a real challenge for all of us at times to just be present. This night for this particular young lady would prove to be one that would be complicated and enlightening for her.
God showed up in a way
that none of us expected.
Having not worked with this particular teen much during the prior classes, I did not know what she was struggling with. What I could see during this class was that she was struggling to be in the moment. I was guessing that it would be a challenge for her to connect to someone or some HORSE. Learning to breathe with the horse would prove to be a new experience and an awakening of hidden emotions. Neither of us had any idea what was about to transpire. As she was learning how to fill herself with air, all the way into her stomach, in rhythm with the horse, she realized the challenge of this exercise. She just stood watching his stomach move in and out. She quietly said, “He gets fat when he breathes in and out.”
It was in this moment that, I realize now, we had just got a glimpse into her very soul. As we proceeded with the conversation, I asked her if there was something significant to that in their life. Her response was surprising and came with tear-filled eyes, as she revealed to me that she couldn’t breathe with her stomach. We paused for a moment. Before I inquired any further about this, I told her that
I truly believed that Soldier
and God had a special message
for her that night.
Suddenly she said, “I can’t do that because it makes me fat, and I don’t want to be fat.” I looked at her with compassion as she repeated herself. This time she saw tears welling in my eyes that matched her own. With tears rolling down her face she looked at me and said, “You see me.” I explained that I feel her pain and see her hurt. I explained that I believe God touched my heart with this so that she could see that someone truly sees her, and God puts people in her life to help her understand him.
He really does see you, dear.
He weeps with you and for you.
That was her message from Soldier and God, they wanted her to know that God sees her, she is precious, and her pain was understood. We talked briefly about that and then rested in the truth that he can see her even better than I can.
The God of the impossible and unexpected was there in that moment.
We walked over to the stall area together when the class ended. She went to wash her hands in the utility room. As she came out, she looked at me and asked, “Could I have a hug from you?” As I opened my arms, she collapsed in tears and overwhelmed with the idea of knowing someone had actually seen her heart. She could finally let go. I reminded her that God collects all those tears. That night she gained so much ground with these truths. Still echoing in my mind is the truth about God for all of us:
God sees me.
- Rita Virt, volunteer
